Aug 052008
Part of the Hollywood Hit Men Project Series - Previous in series         Next in series

I’m sorry to say I just wasted 93 minutes of my life watching this sad excuse for a movie and even sadder excuse for a hitman film.

Eric Roberts (The Dark Knight, Heroes, and more than 150 other projects in the last 30 years) stars as “retired” mob hitman Tony Lazorka.  Unfortunately, Tony retired by refusing to fulfill a contract on an old friend, talking to the FBI, and entering witness protection.

I actually got sucked into watching this not only to further my Hollywood Hit Men project, but also because I found the description on Netflix intriguing-

After snitching on the mob, former hit man Tony Lazorka (Eric Roberts) goes into hiding in the Witness Protection Program. The mob’s new target is a kid (Esteban Powell) who hacked the FBI’s computers and obtained a file with names of witnesses … including Tony’s. Tony resurfaces and risks his life to protect his family, but has to team up with the half-baked whiz kid to get it done. Mark L. Lester serves up plenty of shoot-’em-up action in this crime thriller.

You see, I’m not just a sucker for hitman flicks, but hacker films as well.  So, despite it’s overall poor reviews I was hoping to find something worthwhile here.  I was sorely disappointed.

The acting was wooden.  The dialog was stilted.  The stunts were amateurish.  The direction was overwrought.  The editing was abhorrent.  And the hand-to-hand combat scenes looked as if they just filmed the quarter speed walk-thrus instead of real time action.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, this so-called “prince among hitmen” not only couldn’t hit a standing target at 15 yards, but couldn’t even be bothered to aim his gun properly during the opening chase scene.  The only thing making this film remotely worth watching is the (uncredited and all too brief) appearance of inveterate mafioso character actor Joe Viterelli.

Trailer for Hitman’s Run

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Best Line: “I’ll tear off your kneecaps and play air hockey with them.”
Overall Rating: 1.5 outta 5

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