May 012008
 

Last night (Wednesday) I straight up forgot to put on my new patch. I remembered after I was already in bed, but decided that getting up to change my patch wouldn’t be any better than getting up to have a cigarette. This morning I woke up without the desire to smoke. Around 11am my arm started to itch and I suddenly realized I was stil wearing yesterday’s patch so I removed it and threw it away.

This afternoon I went through my normal routine of picking up Z frmo school nictonie and urge free. I was so proud of myself, but it was obviously too soon. After dinner Z really started driving me crazy. Nicotine withdrawal? Bratty child? We’ll never know for sure. After a couple hours of it I really wanted a cigarette, but I put on a fresh patch instead. Finally, trapped in the same room with her while she drove me insane (seemingly intentionally) I snapped and went downstairs for a smoke.

Lighting it wasn’t very satisfying and I just ended up standing on the back porch holding it while it burned down. So, I got cocky and screwed up after 11 solid days without tobacco. But I did learn something – I’m perfectly capable of escaping a situation without having a cigarette. So that’s my silver lining. Oh, and I also learned that I may not be as ‘former’ a smoker as I thought. Still got 5 solid days until I need to be smoke free, though, so I think I’m doing alright.

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