Jun 092005
 

Originally posted to LiveJournal-

Yesterday I’m sitting at the Japantown light rail station for about 5 minutes waiting for my train and I randomly look up from the book I’m reading to see…  My ex-wife roll by with her two kids in the car (one kid mine, one not).  GULP!  She turns around comes back up the other side of first and pulls into the Mexican consulate parking lot.

(For the benefit of those who might not be completely caught up on my story I haven’t seen my daughter, Zaira, since she was 3.  Roughly six years ago.)

Six months ago this would have been a nightmare scenario.  In fact, six months ago this WAS a nightmare scenario as I was working at the mall in pretty much daily fear that aira would show up to do her Christmas shopping or (God forbid) my mother would show up for the same reasons.  Luckily that didn’t happen.

I’ve spent the last 4-6 months basically cleaning up some of the mistakes I made when I was younger.  I’ve paid off a ton of old bills and even went to jail for a while to clear up some 5+ year old tickets for driving on a suspended license, without insurance, etc.  It’s been a serious period of growth for me since I had a gun stuck in my face last December and I not only feel like a better man, but I’m happier far more frequently then any other time in my life.

I knew the next step was to get reacquainted with my daughter.  I just wasn’t sure I was ready for it yet.

So,  I walk over to the car, greet my wife, meet her son Gavin, and re-meet my daughter.  It was a very awkward situation for all involved but I think it went well over all.  Zaira comes off very well.  In fact, she was actually the first one to verbalize what an awkward situation it was.  We ended up standing in that parking lot for nearly a full hour making small talk (something at which I have almost zero skill under even the best of circumstances).

Pepper, my ex, gave me her email address and phone number.  But, more importantly I gave Zaira my email address and told her she could write me any time she wanted to share anything or if she had any questions about anything.

She emailed me last night 😀  It was just a little note to open the conversation that will last the rest of our lives, but it was sweet.  I, of course, emailed her back.  I really think I can handle this now.  I’m more comfortable with “me” than I ever have been in my life and she’s definitely smart enough to understand what I’m saying at this point, so we can actually build a relationship.

One of the main reasons I no longer communicate with my parents is that they kept way too many secrets from me and told me way too many lies “for my own good”.  I simply don’t trust anything they say anymore and not trusting your Mom makes it difficult to trust anyone.  So I’m going to be upfront with Zaira.  No family secrets, no lies, no evasive answers.  Is this the wisest thing to do?  I dunno, but I’m not going have my daughter discovering things about me later in life and hating me for not telling her.  It’s just not gonna happen that way.

 

So anyway, that’s one of the prime motivators for this journal.  There’s finally someone out there in the universe who wants to know what I’m up to on a daily basis that I feel deserves to know and is worth the effort of daily updates (no offense to y’all).  Of course, I’ve still got to get her set up here on LJ, but that’ll happen soon.

 Posted by at 1:08 pm  Tagged with: ,

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